If I know what love is, it is because of you

2009-05-27T18:42:00.002+08:00

ima feeling tired but i can't sleep. it's a pity that i can sleep because ima at my hse now. i ve a really comfortable bed w air con u know! heheh. but ima working 7am tmr so i think i better sleep wen ima back at my cozy room w darling. heheh. it's cozy because i ve darling w me every night. e room itself is ok but sometimes it's really pretty warm there u c. ): anyw i hope tmr i will pull myself t wake up nd g t work after resting for like 5 days. haa. money is important right. last time i used t work alot but now ima damn slack alr. just 2 days of 7-7 girl. u can do it! haahaa. anyw, let me recall wad happened for e past wks. actually nth much but ling lied t me! can u believe it? i can't! although i don't ve enuff trust in him but i can't believe that he will lie t me. actually it's not smth serious but we shld b honest in a r/s right? especially if u really love me. i know sometimes i get angry really easily nd sometimes ima really fierce nd agitated but u know i can't control nd sometimes i didn't even realise. u can always b honest t me nd stuff nd wen u c that ima getting agitated, talk t me abt it or just hold me t calm me down k ling. mayb u can try kissing me. haahaa. i want t g nd ve my dinner now so i think i will blog later or mayb next time. heh. love ling ling!

2009-04-19T13:27:00.002+08:00

actually i don't want t use e com but i saw darling's ipod on top of his laptop so i know that his ipod no batt alr. haahaas. so ima charging for him now. ystd after work i went t meet xiu nd we drank abit at balcony nd had some heart t heart talk. *ahem ahem. haahaas. hopefully one day he will understand wad u really mean ok? (; actually ima very free but wen sometimes friends wanna meet or smth thn i realise i ve got no time. i don't know y.. mayb they always choose e wrong timing? haahaas. anyw mavis, i will definitely meet up w u soon! (: 2 days back, we quarrelled because of hh nd hc. kinda boliao la. but somehow.. i will still think back. i felt that darling actually side hh. hc is another case. hh is his best friends for many many yrs. nd wen we ended e damn conversation he was saying that hc is it. i blacklist him alr that kind of things. yeah. anyw ima just his 6 months gf so is nth compare t his 13? yrs of friendship w hh. i think u shldn't deny because that was not e first time u side w him. anyw, don't take this post t heart. ima always a very straight forward person.. i just write wad i c nd feel. i believe in myself, sometimes.
wad ppl told me earlier on i still rmb very clearly. nd it hurts. but whatever it is i choose t keep quiet because i don't even ve e courage t say it out t u. ystd after telling xiu abt it makes me feel more comfortable..

2009-04-16T19:43:00.007+08:00

i'm at my hse now. my face feels so sticky. mayb i shld g nd get a super good foundation soon? (; hehehehs. anyw, just now i went down t darling's work place nd look for him. we had a good lunch together. i don't know how t explain this feeling but it just feels good. although i need t travel down but i think he is worth my time, don't he? ((: ystd i didn't went down due t another job i was having. e job was alright. just some baking nd cashier work but i don't like it. i don't like e feeling i was having inside me while i was working. i miss darling so much u know.. nd i blame myself for not being able t g down nd meet him for lunch ystd. gg down tday makes me feel so good. do u understand wad ima trying t say? mayb u can't. this feeling is deep inside me so others can't really feel it. whatever it is, as long as i know how i'm feeling i think that is more thn enuff alr. tmr i'm working at 6pm. before that i will g down t look for darling thn tk straight bus from there t my work place. although e hrs is really short nd i can't really earn much but at least there is income, right? hopefully next wk will b better. give me 6pm also can as long as i ve more days t work. i'm gg t invest more in darling's tummy! haahaahaas! anyw i feel kinda stress gg back t hotel nd work tmr because it has been 1 wk since i last went there t work nd i'm afraid that tmr's in charge will give me a lousy partner nd i'm afraid that my portioning has become slower thn before. i really don't know y am i stress. i shldn't b right? just do wad ima supposed t do nd wad i can do, right? (: so i shld just relax myself nd work. jiayou jiayi! jiayou ben hou! we both jiayou together ok? we shall work hard together nd earn lots of money for shopping! heheheh. bullshit. we need t save e money la. i think i need t end here alr because ima gg t ve my dinner now.( don't worry darling. i won't forget ur share. will get u ur dinner later wen ima on my way back! :D) loves!

2009-04-11T21:42:00.003+08:00

ima alone at my hse now. cause dad, mum nd my younger brother went t my mum's uncle funeral. my elder brother went out t send his gf home. decided t come nd blog for abit before gg back woodlands. as usual, next wk booking is very little. it's not really that little. just that e hrs is really short. cash tight agn. sighh... ima damn worry everyday over money money money. ): tday is darling's 5th day of work. so far so good, right baby? (; haas. although there r alot of things t learn as everything there is new especially e menu but i think he is a fast learner. since he is interested in this line, he shld b able t pick up all e new things faster. ((: anyw i think e song 'baby i'm sorry' is really nice nd meaningful. i just made jelly nd it's soft.. a little bit la. i don't know y. mayb i shld buy back e old jelly powder. but e old one no flavour lea. not so nice. how how? e jelly is abit soft is definitely not because of my skill problem lor. haahaas. must b e powder. haas. ming tian shi wo de sheng ri ke shi darling bu ke yi pei wo. hen ke lian lea. mei you qian hai bu yong jing. mei you ta zhen de tai ke lian ler. it's my 1st birthday w him but we missed it. i think we missed alot of things together. our 6th months is coming soon but we can't celebrate also. c.. we missed so many things. v'day also. is this e price t pay for moving out? mayb bah. sighhhhhhhhhh. ima kent ooi's little sad girl now. everyday he g work i feel so lifeless. do anything also sian. e first day is really e worst of all. i just kept crying like nobody business. i missssssssss him! i think i need t g back soon. i need t wash his clothes. hehs. loves!

2009-04-06T23:31:00.002+08:00

decided t come nd post while waiting for my show t load finish. tmr is darling's first day of work. don't know how is it gg t b. will it b good? can he adapt? will it b too tiring for him? will he b happy working there? many many things r running thru my mind. for e past few days, i had cried million of times. even he said that he is afraid seeing me crying so often. i don't wanna cry but i just can't seem t stop my tears from flowing down. i can't deny that e face that he is gg t a new work place is affecting me. i tried t trust him nd i really want t but pls understand that it's really difficult for me t do so. it takes alot of time nd patience t build up e trust. it's not so simple but i will still try. another thing which is really bothering me is very, very private nd confidential so i ve decided not t write here. whatever it is gonna b, ima still gg t take it. i just wanna earn e money now. darling slept at 9.30pm tday because he didn't ve enuff sleep ystd nd tmr he will b working so he needs plently of rest. i looked at him sleeping nd i started crying. nd it's really crying.. not only tears flowing down. it's smth much more thn that. i really wanted t wake him up nd hug him nd cry but i know he is feeling scare seeing me crying everyday so i ve decided not t. i know if he sees me crying agn, he will thnk that he never tk good care of me, failed t make me happy that kind of things. i really don't want him t think this way because no matter how much i cry, no matter how tough this month gonna b, having him by my side is really e best thing ever. if u ever think that u r making me unhappy agn nd agn, pls rmb those times wen u never failed t make me laugh, make me smile. ima always e one making myself unhappy. sometimes it's just not u. if u ever feel useless agn, pls rmb those times wen u protected me from all e hurts, ppl bullying me, nd never failed t get me wad i want at anytime of e day. if u ever feel that ima unhappy moving out or being together w u, pls rmb those really happy times we had nd i promise there will b more nd more happy times we r gg t share together. rmb wen we were not together yet. rmb wen we went drinking together. rmb whr u will always bring me t wen ima drunk. rmb every night how we hug each other t sleep. rmb how much i always talk before i sleep. rmb how i wake u up every morning. nd rmb that wen u r thinking did i regret moving out w u, i might b thinking e same thing too.... sometimes i really wish t know, did u ever regret? mayb u r still more comfortable leading e life u used t ve. hanging out w friends nd stuff. now u need t find a full time working long hrs everyday nd working 6 days per wk. ima more nd more afraid now. but don't worry because ima gg t work harder thn u. although no matter how much i work i still cnt earn as much as u but i will try my very best t lighten ur burden. i will still pay half of e rent, i will get whatever i want myself, i will save up some money, i will try t b e one paying for our dates. i know u might feel sad or unhappy reading this but i don't ve e intention t ji jiao w u that kind of things. i just want t help by lightening ur burden so that u don't feel so much stress while working nd u will ve a few hundred t save every month for ur studies in e future. i don't know if i can do it but ima really willing t give it a try. i can work 6 days per wk too just t get e money. hopefully our r/s will get better after working in different enviroment as there won't b so much of conflicts nd mayb we will cherish e hrs or even mins we can spend together each day more thn how much we had cherish in e past. nd 1 very last nd important thing, if u feeling like spending time w ur friends nd stuff, pls, just tell me. i know u will only ve 1 off day in e future nd it will b fixed timing so it will b even harder for u t spend time w me nd ur friends. but it doesnt mean that u ve t acc me every mon. u can spend it w ur friends. i don't want ur friends t think that u r neglecting them because of me all that. i don't wish t c this happen. so just let me know. we need t b honest nd true......... i don't know wad's happening t me. it seems like i can no longer tk up so much of stress alr. perhaps i need a good rest. but i know nth nd nobody can help me except for myself. sighhhh.............. looking at u sleeping.... i just wanna say good night nd ve a good rest. i miss u so much.

2009-03-29T20:11:00.005+08:00

it has been a few months since i last blogged. so here i am. hehehehs. darling finally graduated. he passed nd ima so proud of him! hehehehs. my ben houuuuuu ziiiii. hehs. he is working almost everyday. same like me. i think my burden is not so heavy alr. but as usual, i still ve alot of fan nao nd stress. april is coming nd it's 'qing ming jie' alr. very few ppl will choose t get married at this month of e year because it's not auspicious. i know they still ve seminar nd D&D but if e seminar is a small one, they only put those regular morning staffs or those full times. even if they ve D&Ds, how many can they ve? 30? i think it's less thn 15. so how many days can we work? gcw always choose ppl t work. so wad can we do? just accept e fact nd survive w very little money. asshole. next wk i only get 1 pathetic day lor. 6 t 11 only can. damn lor. but, always look on e bright side of life. haahaas. just like wad darling said, next wk we ve so many days off we can look for a full time job. if we book everyday nd they just give us everyday, we will ve no time nd no chance t g outside nd c e world, t look for another job. if nobody stop us, we will still continue doing it. now, we r left w no choice. but there is still smth ima worry abt now.. e economy is so bad so bad now. many ppl r looking for full time job. so i wonder if ima able t look for a few time job by next wk? i need a job so desperately. i hope if i can't get a full time, at least darling can get it. i think since we ve alr moved out, at least 1 of us need t ve a full time job w a stable income. it will b better if 2 of us can get it. our rent is only $500. 2 of us share shldn't b a problem. i know working at gcw can get e money too but we can get money daily so u can't really c e money wen u work. plus e work is so tough there. especially for guys. i think $6 per hr is not worth it. nd e most important thing is working in e same enviroment make us quarrel more. this is very true. pray really hard that i can get a job by next week alright? hehs. darling is at work now while ima here blogging. ima having a flu nd cough nd he doesn't want me t g work so i took mc tday. (: tmr darling finally ve an off day after 8 days of work! ((: i miss him so much u know. we quarrel everyday nd sometimes i just think that it's getting from bad t worst. i know i ve been repeating this for alot of times but ima still gg t say it agn.. HE IS E BEST BF I EVER HAD! HEHEHS! LOVE U MY BEN HOU ZI!

without you tomorrow wouldn't be worth the wait &
yesterday wouldn't be worth remembering.

2009-01-09T02:46:00.003+08:00

it has been a long time since i last post because ima busy working everyday. 1 week only off 1 or 2 days ok. very tiring nd stress. but since i ve decided t move out, i think i need t b really independant. anyw darling nd me wld b moving t another place soon. e rent will b cheaper so i hope it's not too tough nd stress for e both of us. recently many things happened. on e 7th of jan, darling nd me had a really big quarrel at e cathay. he raised his voice at me in public nd he grabbed me so tight nd after that he just walked away. this is e first time he did this t me nd ima really shocked. i didn't expect that he wld just walked away like that. i know ima at fault too.. sorry darling. ): after that he apologised nd we r still super sweet now kkkk! :DD our 3rd month is coming. hehehehs. i know my temper is always very bad nd out of control. just like wad darling say.. i can get angry w him everyday for nth. but i ve a very understanding nd sometimes abit patience de superboy! haahaas. sometimes his temper also very bad but overall he really treated me very well. he will always get me wad i want. like.. chocolates! :D whenever ima craving for chocos he will find ways t get it for me. haahaas. nd he took very good care of me. wen ima drunk, he will always b by my side taking very very good care of me. he never get angry or phek chek. he is always by my side. ima really glad t ve him. ((: i think he is very glad t ve me too. haahaas. although my temper very bad but i ve my good points also horh. anyw i was chatting w jia hui in msn thn she told me darling told her that he deleted his blog alr. think is because that day i kpkb. hais. make me feel so guilty u know. ima too sensitive alr nd e most important thing is that i didn't trust him enuff. sorry sorry sorry sorry! forgive me for e everything i ve done ok? u know i love u right? (; i very sian now. will post agn soon. anyw i rmbed a few days ago i msged jun xiang t asked him abt my cardigan nd ended up he said that he has been looking for me for days alr. i think he is very sad that's y. i promised him i will call him after work but i forgot. i think i will call him later if i rmb. lastly, i love you mr kent!

2008-12-24T06:11:00.003+08:00

it has been a long time since i last post. as usual, many things happened. i ve alr moved out so money is very very important t me now. i just hope next wk booking will b good. especially mon nd tues. we really need e money. many things happened but i ve forgotten alot alr. let me blog abt ystd. ystd dear nd me left e hse in e afternoon nd we went t orchard nd walked ard. actually we wanted t watch movie but jia hui wanted t g sing so we planned everything nd stuff nd meet jia hui at ard 8 plus nd chen xiang at 9 plus nd followed by wei qiang, clare nd ai lian. we sang till 3am nd took cab t s11 nd meet xiu nd ve supper. we slacked till 4 plus nd went back home. dear is sleeping now nd ima here blogging. i don't know y but ima thinking alot now. tday is christmas eve nd dear nd me will most probably gg different places. he will b gg w his friends nd i will b gg w jia hui they all. i saw smth in dear's phone. actually i don't want t look at his phone's contacts or whatever because i don't ve e habit of checking his phone. but because i wanted t save some contacts in his phone because he is afraid that he can't contact me tmr nd i saw his ex contact in his phone. actually nth t b surprise or make a big fuss abt it but his current phone is tracy one nd he actually don't ve any contact in that phone but y hers is there? seriously ima a fucking fucking sensitive person. i know.. sometimes i really will think abt it nd reflect on myself. u know how many girl friends he ve out there? fucking lots man. how am i supposed t handle this? if u were me will u feel secure? i don't think so. sometimes i don't want t talk abt it beause ima really sensitive nd i don't want u t feel that u can't ve any girl friends just because we r together. no point right? sometimes it's really my fault nd ima afraid that u will feel stress nd stuff that's y i will blame myself. i really feel very bad. i mind because i know how much u loved her in e past. i really don't feel good at all. this really sucks t e core man. i really don't want t mention anything t u regarding this matter so i ve decided t vent all e shit out here. on e 28 of nov, i rmbed we had a quarrel nd quite a big one i guess. after we went home u msged me nd told me that 'i really never love a girl this much before. u r really very very very important t me. this is my 1st time telling someone all my feelings that i always didn't say.' i don't know if u still rmb all this but all i want t say is i was really very very touched nd happy wen i reeived this msg of urs. ima really glad, words can't describe how i feel. although we will quarrel often but i hope our love is strong t withstand all this. i don't want t lose u nd i will try t ontrol my temper as much as possible. will post agn soon.

2008-11-29T01:52:00.003+08:00

i don't know wad is wrong w us. this week sucks t e max sucks t e core sucks like hell. fuckkkk. _l_ for e past 1 week, i don't feel good at all. so r u, right? i don't even dare t think back.. t think abt how many times we quarrel this week. very tired. don't tell me u r not wen i can actually feel that u r from ur replies. ima so so so disappointed in us. i didn't expect things t change, i didn't expect things t turn out this way. sometimes i really feel like turning off my phone until e day we move. all i can say is i hope things will get better after we move..

HELPLESS ):

2008-11-25T00:56:00.004+08:00

ystd was a bad day. i think t me everyday is a bad day. mayb ima just too negative. but i ve my positive w me. ((: superboy once told me this. very very cute. hehs. on sun, loreto partner me w a new guy nd everything was damn cocked up. it seemed like i was doing 1 t 3 plus e guests that day sucks t e max ok. t me e new guy really didn't help much la. i just told him t tc of e drinks nd i don't know y our drinks was not top up. u know how it feels? sometimes i really don't want t kp those new ppl because they r new but wen things went out of hand, i think is because they ve problems that's y right. we can b slow nd stuff but t a certain extend is ok nd ima fine w it but on sun that situation, i really don't know wad e fuck he was doing thru out e dinner. i carried those trays until my shoulder very pain. i dropped e whole tray during e last dish. luckily i walked e other way nd i didn't drop infront of e guests. i was very anxious nd i went t look for chef, ronald blah blah blah immediately nd told them t help me. they did nd after that i just went t e store. i was feeling very down. ): after that dear came nd looked for me. i nearly cry but i didn't. we were not supposed t ot that day but because i wanted t, for e sake of money, i told him i want t ot. nd for e sake of me, he ot also. nd because of this, he didn't sleep e whole night nd went t sch e next morning. i can't imagine how tired he was feeling. on sun while working, dear nd me had alot of conflicts.. agn. ): don't want t talk abt it alr. ystd, during dinner i do vip w baomu. lawrence was e one who gave us tables ystd. nd ystd, there was so many new staff, more thn half of e staff ystd is new. i was very phek chek at first because things were cocked up agn but after e stoppage things went back t normal. i dislike doing vip because there r many procedures t follow nd i find it very troublesome nd i don't like t portion at side station. i still prefer normal table. (: things happened nd stuff during e dinner.. as usual la. everyday also got things happen one. ystd after i clocked out i called dear a few times but he never answer, i didn't talk t him for e whole day nd didn't c him for e whole day alr. seriously i miss him alot. but i guess we r both busy.. nd i think he is much more busy thn me. i ve nth else t say.. that's all for now i guess. sucks.

2008-11-23T11:51:00.002+08:00

i think just a short post for tday because i need t wake dear up at 12pm. i think ima gg t fall sick soon. i tried t tc of myself alr but it seems like ima getting from bad t worst. few days back i only had a cough nd now ima having flu also. i can't breathe properly! ): i think there r alot of things i want t blog abt but i don't ve enuff time. on thurs, because i over slept nd was late for work, kendict asked me t g home. i think this is ridiculous lor. i don't know how shld i say but working in hotel is really very scary. look at how fast rumours can spread nd how ppl can talk behind ur back. tsk tsk. i think i will definitely change my job. but not now because ima really in need of money. probably after i settle everything, i will find a full time job. work as a sales girl or smth. (: ystd i partner w superboy! ((: very good. haas. weiliang gave us 3 tables nd 1 of e table was not open. hehehs. but there was one thing i was very phek chek abt. so many baby chairs nd so many ppl were sitting on a 5ft table lor. since e table was so packed, we didn't portion for them nd so there was only 1 table we need t portion. superboy portion nd i just help t top up e drinks. don't think topping up drinks is a very simple task horh. must do nice nice one. not that easy ok?! (; we did ot ystd nd riverfront finished very early. weiliang do setting is siao one lor. he damn zai la. actually there is 1 good thing abt him.. sometimes he will help t do setting nd he is very fast. i think some of e executive won't help bah? or i rmb wrongly? but he is really super fast la. cnt deny. wen his mood is good he is nice. but wen his mood is bad.. haiyo. very jialat alr. but nobody is perfect right.. (: from fri onwards, i will b working everyday until next sun. but i think e money is still short by abit. hais. i hope next wk i won't b late anymore so that i can earn e same amount as wad i ve counted because i cnt afford t b late for even 1 hr next wk. anyw, ystd night i was talking on e phone w dear nd because of his unfirm answer, i am really very very disappointed. i just want a firm answer which shows that he really love nd care. but he never. jiu suan shi pian wo de ye hao.. wo zhi shi xiang yao ni dui wo shuo......

speechless..

2008-11-17T00:27:00.005+08:00

ima very very tired now. i feel very sleepy but i can't sleep because i need t g work at 7am later. i thot jessie will give me afternoon shift on mon because dear will b working from 5-11 but i didn't expect her t give me morning shift lor. next week i swear ima gg t book e same time w him if he's working nd i want t tell jessie i don't want 7-7 or 9-9 alr. ): very tiring. i hope this week i can do swee swee for them w/o leaving early. i know it's really difficult for me t do it but i will tryyyyy ok? (; on sat, i was supposed t work 11-11 but i was late nd i reported at 12 instead. i called dear after i woke up nd we both took cab t work separately. it cost me $16 nd e driver still asked me t walk there myself because he was stucked somewhr. e uncle was polite but i was very angry because in e first place i was alr angry at myself for being late nd waste money nd took taxi nd he asked me t walk which made me even angrier. i saw dear at b1 nd at that time i was very phek chek alr nd vent it on him agn. i know it was my bad. ima a very bad gf i know. but sometimes i just cnt control my temper nd emotion. i know i ve said sorry for alot of times alr but i really don't know wad can i say other thn that. we were supposed t do setting for e D&D at night nd halfway, dear asked me t g t e backhse nd we talked. he said he is thinking alot also. ): i think i said smth which made him very angry nd he just turned nd walk away. after not long, he msg me nd we were alright alr. nd on e same night, my partner was SUPERBOY! :DDDD very happy because things were good nd smooth nd nice nd fast! haahaas. e only thing was dear ain't feeling well. i realised he was having fever after work. superboy fall sick u c. ): e next day which was ystd, i woke up at 8.15am nd took train t bukit batok. actually i wanted t bring him t e doc but it was sun nd e clinic located at batok mrt station was closed. i called him at 10am nd told him i was at bukit batok alr but e clinic was not open so i asked him t g back nd sleep first nd i will wake him up at 12pm. at 11 plus, he msg me nd after i replied he didn't reply me alr. i knew he fell back asleep so i didn't want t wake him up. he woke up at 12.30pm i guess. waited for him at e mrt station nd we headed t suntec after that. walked ard, ate nd watched movie. (: i fell asleep halfway thru e movie. it was not because i was bored or anything. i was probably too tired. after e movie we went t walk ard suntec nd ms. we had some conflicts nd dear was very agitated out of e sudden, really. e way he talk nd his actions.. it was my very first time seeing him w this kind of reaction. i was shocked. after that, he talked t me very nicely. i really don't know wad t say nd i guess there's nth more i can say because i can c nd i can feel.. how well he is treating me. e way he talk t me was really nice nd gentle just now. i know he really care for me. but on e other hand, ima always throwing tantrum. ima sorry, once agn. back t ystd.. dear was craving for egg tarts nd we went t many places but cldn't find any. i really don't know y. is it really so difficult t find an egg tart? anyw since he is craving for it, i will try t get him some after work later. hopefully i can find. ((: at ard 8 plus i went t batok w him because he was sick nd i don't want him t travel too much. hopefully superboy can recover from his fever cough nd flu soon!

e beating of ur heart is my favourite lullaby.

2008-11-15T01:58:00.005+08:00

i just woke up not long ago. i didn't sleep for 2 days alr nd just now i finally can ve 6hrs of proper sleep on my bed. ima still feeling tired now. i don't know y. probably because i still didn't sleep enuff? but dear's working now nd i don't feel like sleeping. i want t wait for him finish work. (: just now he called me but i never answer nd i called him back. he sounded very sian nd tired. i don't know y. he said that he is feeling very warm. after chatting for awhile nd he went back t work. i was supposed t work 7-7 ystd nd i went home at 3.30pm instead because of my eyes nd partly because i was really tired. even if i stay there i think i can't help much also because there's really nth t do. or shld i say i ve got no energy t do anything? my eyes were damn itchy ystd while working nd it was really so itchy until i really cnt tahan nd i went t e toilet nd took out my lashes. e transparent or shld i say yellowish liquid keep on flowing out from my eyelid. cb lor. i feel very xin tong la seriously. but i think serve me right also. that time dear nd me went t e doc nd e doc asked me not t put on any make ups nd wear contacts for at least 5 days nd i rmb i wore it on e 5th day alr lor. by then my eyes were still abit swollen but i didn't care anymore nd i just kept wearing make ups for almost everyday nd now my eyes become like that. now i really cnt wear any make ups nd contacts for at least 1 week alr. dear doesn't allow me t wear nd even if he does i think i won't wear also. i swear i fucking hate t step out of e hse w/o any make ups nd wearing my specs but i think i need t control nd tahan for abit now. i know e consequences if i keep wearing it or it might even b worst thn wad we think. i know i shld stop now nd let it recover fully first nd i can wear make ups like nobody business after that. haahaas. kidding. anyw superboy, pls pls bear w my very pale nd ugly face for e whole of next wk ok? i might look pale nd ugly w/o make ups nd w my specs on but i don't ve a choice now. wad matter most is that i will still smile nd laugh as often as i can because i know my smiles nd laughters is very important t u! (: i need t tc of myself nd i know u will definitely take very good care of me. (: ima gg t b so dead next week because i told jessie i want t work mon t sat nd now i ve t g t work w a very very pale face. ): i know this doesn't matter because time passes very fast nd i just g nd work nd e main purpose for me t g work is t earn money.. that's all. it doesn't really matter if i wear make ups nd contacts anot. i know i know nd i really understand. but how shld i say.. i will get very moody nd upset whenever i think of i need t g t work w a 'naked' face e next day. wo hao xiang jiu shi guo bu liao wo zi ji xin li zhe guan. i know dear won't mind because he just wants my eyes t recover but i will still feel unhappy. i really don't know wad t do. i just hope that my eyes will recover asap nd things can g back t normal soon so that i won't feel that moody nd dear don't ve t suffer because of my attitude nd temper. just now i met him after work nd my mood was so down. he bought me ginseng tea nd i must say that it really taste awful, right darling? haas. but i will still drink it because darling bought it nd i know ta shi wei le wo hao. (: thank you my dear boy. he didn't fa pi qi even thou my attitude sucks t e max due t my eyes nd hands. he actually wanted t acc me t e taxi stand nd wait for cab but i was so ti ki nd dear ve t give it t me. sorry my dear. i know u gave in nd ren wo. i can c. i appreciate it nd xin ku ni ler! ): i know u don't feel good too seeing my eyes nd hands like that but pls don't blame urself because i know u alr did wad u can like stopping me from wearing make ups nd contacts nd reminding me t apply e cream for my eyes nd hands daily w/o fail. i still rmb that day i texted u in e afternoon nd told u that my hands were in a very bad condition because e skin kept tearing nd u came down t hotel in e night just t pass me e cream for my hand.. i will always rmb.. (: it's my fault because i never make good effort t tc of myself. never ever blame urself agn k? (:
ONCE AGAIN, HAPPY ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY SUPERBOY! :DD

love doesn't make e world g round; love is wad makes e ride worthwhile.

2008-11-13T00:31:00.007+08:00

i can be the stars, that light up your night sky.
and i can be your shoulder, if ever you need t cry.

i can be your words, if ever you cannot speak.
and i can be your eyes, if the truth you ever seek.

i can be your conscience, that whisper in your ear.
and i can be the one, the one that you hold dear.

i can be the laughter, that puts the smile on your face.
and i can be the beauty, that makes your heart beat race.

i can be the girl, that you just can't get off your mind.
and i can be the perfection, that you have searched so long to find.

boy i can be your anything; and to you i will always tend.
i want to be your everything but never just your friend.

random. i can't sleep because ima working 7am-7pm later. just now i lied on e sofa awhile nd rest for abt 1 hr. feeling much better now. before that i was feeling super tired! luckily i rest for awhile if not i think i will probably faint tmr. i only slept 6 hrs ystd nd i was out from afternoon till night. dear was even worst because he only slept for very pathetic 2 hrs nd he went t sch nd met me after sch. c how tiring he is. nd he spent a very long rime doing research ystd nd that was e reason y he slept so little nd e presentation was ruined. hen ke xi but at least dear had done wad he can nd wad he shld. *claps! :DD jiayou jiayou! ystd i went t MDIS w dear nd checked e price nd it cost ard 6k for e 9.5 mths course. very very expensive la. i think i shld g tk private O instead lor. this is really way too expensive la. even if i pay by instalments i think i cnt afford also because i need t pay 2.8k for e first instalment alr! ): thn after that i think every single cent i earn i need t save nd pay for e other instalment alr lor. like that i rather don't study la. i rather g tk private O or smth first thn decide wad t do after that. mayb i will choose t move out first if i make up my mind t tk private O. after that we went back t gcw. actually wanted t g get pay but we slacked in e store first nd i can c that superboy was very tired. ): i alr booked for next wk nd i hope jessie will give me more afternoon shift instead of e morning ones because i will feel very stress working morning because ima afraid that i can't wake up. at ard 4 plus we went t get pay nd we went back PS for our movie after that. e movie was very scary but not very nice la. because e ending kinda suckssssss. after that we went t walked ard for awhile nd we went t tk train. he did smth which made me abit furious but seriously wo zhi dao ta shi you xin cai hui zhe me zuo. i was angry because i wanted him t reach home earlier nd rest. but whatever it is, just wanna say that i appreciated e effort nd little thots he has for me. (: lovelove superboy! (: hopefully later wen he wakes up he will feel better nd much more energetic. whenever he is tired i will feel unloved. mayb because he is too tired t shower me w love that's y i feel unloved? ): anyw i don't like it wen he is hungry also. i rmb he told me this before "a hungry man is an angry man" i need t save money. really really need t save. i hope thurs fri nd sat i won't b late for work so that i can earn more. (: seriously ima kinda nervous abt working 7-7 later. it's my first time working 7-7 nd under weiliang somemore. don't know his mood will b good anot. since it's my first time which means that i really don't know wad t do early in e morning nd ima afraid that weiliang will kp me lor. plus tmr i confirm will feel tired don't know my mood will b bad anot. if he bad mood scold me thn i scold him back thn i will b super dead man. i think i need t control.. kan zai qian de fen shang bu guan zhe me yang wo dou yao ren! haas. nd i ve chilli crab t acc me tmr! ((: anyw i think ystd was a bad day. i don't know y but i just feel this way. this feeling sucks. nd i think my head feels very heavy now. but tmr die die also must dong finish e 12 hrs. ):

love has nth t do w wad u r expecting t get, only w wad u r expecting t give.. which is everything.

2008-11-11T23:50:00.008+08:00

i ve nth better t do now nd at e same time ima thinking alot alot so decided t come nd blog. i think life is boring. ima not saying that spending time w superboy is boring. ima just trying t say that.. life is really boring la. how shld i explain.. like ima doing e same thing almost everyday. but i need t do it. for example working. i need t work almost everyday because i need t earn money. sometimes i enjoy working because it kills my time nd at e end of e day wen i get my voucher i will feel very satisfied. on mon, i do 2 t 4 nd this is really crazy. although we only need t portion 4 courses out of e 8 but still very rush. luckily at e 6th dish, 2 of e tables left nd my partner nd i did 2 t 2. e whole D&D ended at 10pm. very early can! luckily it ended early if not i think we need t ot until 3am alr lor. tmr i will b gg down t MDIS nd check e courses nd price nd alot of things la. i cnt just stop here right. w a very very very very bad N lvl cert. i need smth else. smth more. smth higher. right right? haas. but i will just check first because i don't really ve e intention t study now. perhaps next yr or smth? studying is not my top priority now. i ve smth else in mind. or shld i say alot more things in mind? haas. like buying this nd that nd moving out. i know dear don't really support me moving out but sometimes i really ve e urge t. sometimes wen i chat w my parents or brothers, i really can't bear t leave just like that. it's not like they ill treat me or smth. i guess ima still young nd rebellious that's y? but i really c no point staying at home since ima not at home most of e time nd i really dislike t follow e 'rules nd regulations' at home. i really don't understand y. since he alr don't pin any hopes on me thn y must he care? i know he care because ima still his daughter afterall but in some ways.. y shld he ve those rules at home? hais. mayb e problem lies w me because i don't like them t interfere w wad i do? mayb i shld just admit that ima wilful nd rebellious lor. wad t do. i know ima not a father or mother of anyone nd i can't understand how much they care for me, how hard they tried t satisfy our needs, how hard my dad works t give us a better life, how much of hse work my mum ve t do t let us live in such a clean nd nice enviroment nd lastly, how disappointed nd heart pain they felt wen i did very hurtful things t them. i know.. but there is nth i can do t mend it. my dad just wants me t study until poly or at least O lvl but i failed t do so. a very simple task yet i didn't managed t do it. i really don't know. i think this post is getting out of point. ima trying t say that i wanna move out but ended up i typed smth else here. i will just type whatever is in my mind now. nd one last reason y i don't wanna stay at home is because sometimes, sometimes wen i c how upset or unhappy my mum is, i feel very sad too. sometimes i really feel like giving her a hug nd ask her not t feel sad but i just can't do it. ever since i grow up, there seems t b a gap between me nd my parents nd siblings alr. we can talk sometimes but only talk.. nth much. i don't know y. mayb we don't know or we choose not t express our love nd care for each other? this is weird. very weird.
just now while i was talking t dear nd i randomly talked abt our honeymoon period. ima really afraid that our honeymoon period will b over soon. i know i shldn't think so much nd sometimes i seriously hate myself for thinking so damn much but i can't help it. ima always thinking alot nd very sensitive. wo ye bu xiang de.. ke shi wo zhen de mei ban fa. pls bear w me. although i know that e period will definitely b over nd it's only a matter of wen it will come t an end but i still hope that even if it's after a few months or even yrs, we will still b together. i hope that we can ALWAYS feel comfortable nd good w each other ard. i hope that we can rely nd trust each other nd ve a very very peaceful r/s for a long time. although there will always b ups nd downs, obstacles or anything, i hope that we can g thru them. i know it's easier said thn done. ppl might change. who knows wad will happen next? nobody can predict e future but i really really hope things will b good for us. just now dear suddenly say "wo yao gen ni chu guo." very cute la. haahaas. i don't know y but i just feel that he's very cute nd sweet wen he said that. nd i smile t him. ima definitely gg overseas w him nd dear said that he will bring me t KL. ((: loves!

i can love u like no one can, i can be ur SUPERGIRL! :DD

2008-11-10T09:58:00.005+08:00

i met dear in e evening ystd. first, we went t paragon nd had e wallet changed. (: after that we went t cine nd we had a very minor conflict over there. dear fa pi qi lor. very fierce. everytime wen he fa pi qi i will feel that he is very fierce. i think it's because he seldom do that that's y everytime wen he does i will think that he is fierce. i think ystd was because ima too ti ki alr bah. but seriously wen he fa pi qi he is still a very gentle person because he won't shout or anything. i mean e way he talk is still gentle. or mayb because he is not really that angry that's y he never raise his voice? ima not sure also because if ima really angry i think i will raise my voice or smth. anyw back t e point.. we were alright after 15 mins or so. while he was having his dinner i changed his wallet for him. ((: after that we went t heeren nd looked at watches. i couldn't find e dkny watch alr. ): we went t walk ard after that nd we took quite alot of photos. (: all very nice ok! right, darling? hehehs. anyw in my previous post i said that ima a very spendthrift person but now i want t add in smth. DEAR ND ME R BOTH VERY SPENDTHRIFT. haahaas. i don't know y also. i think is not i influence him one la horh. hehs. i want t work nd work nd save lots nd lots of money. (: i think next wk i want t work 5 or 6 days alr. nd i want all very long hrs one so that i can earn more. no pain, no gain. anyw, ima supposed t work at 12pm tday but jessie said that she don't ve enuff ot staff that's y she changed baomu nd my time t 3pm. i think later turn over grand ballroom 65 tables lor. sibei sian. think alr sian1/2 liao lor. confirm very rush de. hais. wad t do. work is like that one lor. whatever they ask u t do, u must do. they r paying us t work for them so i think i shldn't grumble so much. haas. jiayi jiayou jiayou! anyw i think this wk i don't ve chance t work w dear alr because our schedule is so different. i hope fri i can change t e afternoon shift instead of e morning one. i think that ima contradicting myself. sometimes wen dear never work, i don't feel like gg work also. or sometimes i want t leave early because he's not there. but on e other hand, i don't want him t work too many days per wk. i rather he get more rest at home thn coming work nd make himself so tired. i know my attitude is so wrong because work is work. so i will try not t tell them i want t leave at 5pm or anything because i really need t save money now.

i love my super boy! :DD

2008-11-09T13:22:00.005+08:00

work was alright ystd. my partner knows wad t do nd i think things were quite ok thru out e dinner. (: nd our side station was just beside e bar. :DD very convenient for us t tk drinks. hehehehs. dear never work ystd but he came at ard 9.30pm. he came down t look for me of course. haahaas. nd shun bian tk money. he was looking at me while i was portioning e 7th dish nd i was very nervous nd i sweat so much. ystd junxiang came down for interview in e afternoon. he travelled all e way here nd ended up he didn't even get interview lor. he only filled up e form nd branden came into e store nd asked him t get his hair cut first before coming. at that point of time i really don't know wad t do because really very nan zuo ren u know. but it's understandable because his hair is really quite long. nd after that i acc him down t b1 nd smoke. he told me he don't want t work here because he don't want t get his hair cut. i think he also very weird lor. if he really need e money thn wad's wrong w cutting short hair u tell me. i asked him will he pass his N lvl nd he said of course that means he still needs t g back t secondary school next year wad. he will still ve t get his hair cut wen sch reopen right. tsktsk.. anyw, i really need t work hard nd save lots nd lots of money now. i want t g overseasssssssss......w dear. ((: nd i think i ve many things t buy. i know ima a very spendthrift person but buying things make me happy. especially wen ima feeling down, i really need t shop. a few days ago, i bought smth for him. although it's not for myself but i still feel very satisfied nd happy. ((: that kind of feeling is totally cnt b describe. it's even happier thn buying things for myself. zi ji zhuan qian zi ji hua mah.. hua de kai xin he zhi de jiu hao. (: anyw, my eyes is still swollen nd itchy. my hand nd body is itchy too. my skin problem has been w me since i was in primary sch but i think over e yrs my condition is getting worst. sometimes wen i look at my hand, ima really very upset. we need hands t do work in our daily life yet my skin is tearing almost everyday. sometimes i really don't know how t tc nd protect my hands because i know it will never recover. even if it's better, after a few days, it will still b e same. so how shld i tc of it? dear actually don't want t let me wear make ups nd contacts for e whole of next week due t my eyes infection but i persuaded him t let me do so because i really need t. nd he agreed reluctantly. i know he doesn't want me t wear make ups nd contacts is for my own good. i know he is concern that's y he don't allow. but i ve been putting it for yrs nd my face will definitely look very pale nd shag w/o make ups. ima not used t it at all after that few days wearing specs nd gg t work w a pale face. i know i shldn't care how other ppl think or look because wad matter most is kent but e main problem is i really feel very very uncomfortable. ima really glad that he's concern nd ima sorry for not listening t him. i promise i will do as wad he says if my eyes condition get worst.. sorry my dear boy.

gorgeous smile..

2008-11-06T07:52:00.004+08:00

ystd i went out w my dear boy. i won't g into details but just wanna say i enjoyed my day alot w him. (: nd he did smth very sweet ystd which made me very touched. on tues, dear fa pi qi while working. it was not his fault but mine. it was my first time seeing him like that. although i still can talk nd joke w e others but seriously i don't feel good at all. nd ima feeling afraid at e same time. i will change my working attitude for sure because it's always my working attitude problem that cause us t quarrel. i think i will just post a short one tday because i need t g nd prepare for work now. (:
he is e one who never fail t cheer me up wen ima down.
he is e one who never fail t wake up earlier thn me just t come down t yishun nd meet me.
he is e one who will suddenly msg me nd tell me he's alr waiting for me downstairs my hse.
he is e one who is willing t wait for me for 45 mins w/o complaining.
he is e one who never fail t remind me t apply nd eat my medicine.
he is e one..

if i had t choose between breathing nd loving u i wld use my last breathe t tell u iloveyou.

2008-11-04T01:30:00.005+08:00

WORK WAS FUCKING BAD! MY PARTNER SUCKS!! I VE T PICK UP ND PORTION ND CLEAR ND TOP UP DRINKS. BASICALLY, I VE T DO EVERYTHING. IMA NOT SAYING THAT HE DID NOT HELP AT ALL BUT I THINK I VE DONE ALOT ALOT. I REALLY DON'T KNOW WAD E HELL HE WAS DOING. WEN EVERYONE ALR WENT T PICK UP, HE WAS STILL INSIDE E BALLROOM ND I HAD T G ND PICK UP MYSELF. WEN I ASKED HIM T PUT E PLATES, HE DIDN'T, ND I HAD T PUT E PLATES MYSELF. HE PORTION VERY SLOW ND I HAD T PORTION 2 TABLES SOMETIMES. ND E WORST THING WAS HE EVEN PORTION FOR E WRONG TABLE U KNOW. I WAS LOOKING FOR E 3RD COURSE ND ENDED UP I SAW HIM PORTIONING FOR SOMEONE ELSE TABLE. CB LOR. ND IT'S NOT LIKE OUR DRINKS IS TOP UP LA OK. MOST OF E TIME OUR DRINKS WAS NOT TOP UP OK! ND I HAD T G IN ND GET E DRINKS MYSELF. CB ONE LA. REALLY BTH CAN. CLEAR ALSO DON'T KNOW HOW T CLEAR PROPERLY. _l_ NB. MY MOOD ALR NOT VERY GOOD ALR STILL GIVE ME THIS KIND OF PATTERN.
i think partnering w darling is still e best la. (:
back t ystd.. actually i thot ystd i won't get t meet dear alr because he needs t g t sch nd i need t g t work but he suddenly call me nd he said that he can't g home due t e rain so i met him at orchard mrt. accompany him g eat thn g work alr. during e trip t e hotel he was very fierce can. he like want t fa pi qi alr like that. i mean from e way he talk.. i know u kinda don't like my attitude just now but i alr don't feel good all day long but i don't know how shld i tell u. i sincerely apologise for my attitude k my dear. ima sorry. nd darling, i know u don't like me t use so much vulgarities especially on u. i know ima a girl nd i shldn't use so much so much of vulgarites. but sometimes i really can't help it because u shld know that ima a very 'rough' girl. i will try t cut down or i will try t not scold u any vulgar even if it's for fun k. ((:

i ve tried t think of e sweetest words i cld say t u. smth different nd smth true. but i guess there cld never b a word sweeter thn saying "I LOVE YOU!"

2008-11-03T14:13:00.004+08:00

i suddenly think alot so decided t come nd blog. i think i woke up too early tday nd i ve nth t do now. abit phek chek. cause wen i think alot i will feel very down. i don't know y.. last time he told me before he is a easily jealous person but i think ima worst thn him. i get jealous over very minor things. if u were me will u feel e same too? ima really tired of getting jealous over ur ex agn nd agn or over other ppl. i always feel very bad after i ask or confront or even talk abt it. everytime wen i want t mention abt it i need alot of courage nd i think i need t take a few deep breathes before i can even open my mouth nd ask. sometimes i really don't feel like asking or talking abt it but i find it super difficult t keep it t myself. i just want t make things clear. but sometimes it's better t not ask, t not know. mayb i shld learn how t stay silent. ima not ok at all now. can u pls pls pls pls ask urself r u really over her nd ready t start a new nd fresh r/s w me.. whatever it is, i will respect. sorry boy it is not that i don't trust u. but u know ima sensitive nd i mean very sensitive. IF, if e same thing happen t u will u mind? will u feel jealous? will u feel good? sometimes i feel that ima really over sensitive but sometimes i will ask myself, is ima e one w problems because ima too sensitive or is it because of wad u r doing or wad u ve done that made me feel so bad? u understand wad ima trying t say.. sigh.. this feeling sucks t e core. i don't know if u will b angry after reading this but this is how i feel from ystd night till now. i don't want t tell u directly because i don't dare t do that.. i think by typing here will b a better choice nd i will feel better after typing it out.

love is when you are able to fight and have millons of arguments, but still wanting to be with that person.

2008-10-31T23:15:00.002+08:00

i think i ve alot t say tday. tday dear nd me took mc nd didn't g work because we r sick. dear's throat is not feeling well nd my eyes is infected. i can't wear contacts nd make ups for at least 5 days. but t me e maximum is 5 days. i nearly die ystd w/o any make ups but dear insisted on not letting me put any make up on my eyes. i know ta shi wei le wo hao.. but my face really look veh pale w/o make ups especially my eyes. i really don't know how am i gg t survive tmr. plus e worst thing is i need t wear specs lor. fucking troublesome. but i ve got no choice. luckily sun is my off day nd i hope by tues i can wear contacts nd make ups alr. (: anyw i feel veh bad now. i don't know y. i think is because of wad jessie had said. i feel guilty nd abit angry at e same time. i know it's our bad t mc together but we r really sick. not keng one lea. wad dear said make sense.. he said wen they need ppl we got g back nd work for them nd sometimes work extra hrs also. ima not saying that we r not at fault. i just feel that she is abit over agitated. she don't want t put us work same lvl anymore. ): seriously wen she put us work same lvl we got work mah. we never eat snake lea. even if we partner together we also got do swee swee for them. we whr got slack right. just because we took mc for 1 day nd she is doing this t us now i think is abit exaggerating. but on e other hand mayb tday they really short staff or need ppl t ot or wad that's y she is so angry? nd i know kent is veh important t them. mayb we r not in their position that's y we don't know their difficulties. hais. wad t do now. wad has been done cnt b undone. if things really make until veh nan kan thn mayb i will consider changing t another hotel or change a different job. i know ima thinking abit too far or too much but ima just planning for e worst. i just hope things will b fine soon. ystd i don't feel good at all nd i cried. it has been a long time since i last cry in a r/s. quite a number of ppl were shocked because my face was veh pale nd this alr made my mood veh down nd i found out that he still keeps e ring which really made me cried. i don't wanna 'check' ur wallet my dear boy. it's because wen u opened it nd i saw smth that's y. i took alot of courage t look at it. actually i don't want t c but i know i will keep thinking abt it nd i want t make things clear. hais. bu jiang hai mei you shi, yi jiang dao wo jiu hen bu kai xin. seriously i mind, if not i won't even mention abt it. u know how it feels like. a r/s that was alr over for 1 yr nd e ring was inside ur wallet. u know this can make me feel how much u had loved her in e past.. sorry i know i shldn't say all this but this is how i feel. nd this blog is veh private so no worries. just let me say.. ok? i know in a r/s there will definitely b hurts nd pains nd ima prepared t face it all. ima just not prepared t lose u.. i think i really can't. i know ima relying on u nd no doubts, i really love u. it's not because ima used t having u by my side. just now u told me t always stay by ur side nd i asked u y. u said it's because u need me. i asked u y u need me nd u said it's because ima veh important t u. just this veh simple conversation between us can make me feel touched..
ima sorry i promised i won't keep on scratching my hand alr.
ima sorry i promised i won't keep on rubbing my eyes alr.
ima sorry i promised next time i will not dao or ignored u alr. i will talk things out w u k.
ima sorry i promised i will control my temper k.

ima not perfect but i will do my best t b almost perfect for u..

2008-10-30T12:49:00.002+08:00

kent asked me t update more nd let him c. since ima so free now i decided t update abit. (: tday he never g sch because he's sick! ): i think he didn't ve enuff rest that's y. nd ima waiting for him now because we r gg t c doc. later cnt make up i really bth. my face confirm veh chui one. but no choice. work was ok ystd but my mood was bad thru out e dinner. i ignored dear.. ima not really that angry but i just don't know wad t say. ima really disappointed. i don't know. mayb ima too sensitive. but ima like that de mah. if i don't express it out or voice out i feel veh bu shuang. if i do it, i feel veh guilty. wad shld i do.. it is not that i don't trust him. ima just jealous k.. but no matter wad happen, i still love him e same. ((:

i love u more than u will ever know
i love u more than u will ever see
more than my heart could ever show
i love u more than u will ever know

2008-10-25T13:24:00.002+08:00

veh long never update alr. since kent is waiting for me t post i shall post first before i g bath. my life seems t b pretty peaceful now but i think smth is gg t happen soon. but i really can't b bothered because our thinking is totally different wen it comes t that matter. anyw, i think alot of ppl will think that wo hen bu hui xiang because i never g tk my exams but seriously i got think one ok. like wad shld i do nd stuff. but i can't think of any lor. i think i shld save money now nd g private sch or smth. i know i can't stop here. but even if i g private sch i might not b able t cope also. veh ma fan la. i don't know wad i want also. think i must talk t dad nd mum nd c wad they think is best for me now. i think my eng veh chui now. never g sch like brain cnt function alr. ma de.

e best proof of love is trust.. (:

2008-10-07T02:14:00.002+08:00

didn't update for 2 wks alr. too many things happened recently nd i don't know whr shld i start from. anyw nowadays ppl de antenna all veh long horh. whatever shit i do will spread veh fast lo. ma de. lcb. tmr is e last paper for Ns nd ima not gg too since i had missed all my papers except for eng nd chi which we took quite sometime ago. nd i didn't g t sch nd tk e rest of e papers was because smth personal happened alright. i alr paid for e papers of course smth happened that's y never g la, right. but seriously speaking, even if i g i definitely won't pass also la. haahaas. work was veh fucked up this few days la. but for e sake of money must tahan abit lo. haas.

sometimes i will ask myself, 'did i regret falling in love w u?' nd my answer is no. seriously some things really hurt me but there's nth i can say. it all depends on u. i ve no right t say, t grumble, t angry or even t confront u. wo bu zhi dao ni xin li shi zhen yang xiang de. you shi wo hui jue de hen nan shou. dan shi wo ye mei ban fa. dui ni hao shi wo wei yi ke yi zuo de shi. wo zhen de xi wang ni kai xin.

2008-09-21T14:39:00.002+08:00

ystd ard 9 plus, xiu nd me cab down t boat quay. at ard 10 plus kent came nd he asked me t acc him g eat first nd he eat super slow de lo. like zhabor like that sial. haas. i think even i also eat faster thn him lo. anyw, we went t drink. haahaas. obviously la huh. so late g boat quay of course is drink de urh. drank martell w green tea nd kent drank martell w coke. from morning till night i didn't eat anything nd i feel abit uncomfortable after a few cups. kent taught me how t play five ten. thn played dice nd poker also. i lose nd i was supposed t 'da' finish that cup but after a few mouth i really buey dong alr but kent kept on asking me t drink abit more. nd i vomitted. nbbbb. haas. i feel much better after vomitting. after that i didn't drink anymore because i can feel that before i vomit i alr abit seh ler. after drinking e lime juice ima much much better. baomu was feeling veh down nd i really hope that she will cheer up soon. got anything can always come t me okok? (: we slacked till 4 plus nd cab home.

somethings i really can't say here but ystd was indeed memorable..

2008-09-20T01:57:00.002+08:00

I LOST $100 TDAY. ND I JUST LOSE IT LIKE THAT LA. THAT TAXI UNCLE SIBEI CB. TIU LEI LO MO LAAA! NB. LAOCHEEBYE!
i don't know wad's happening t me. e first few days was ok nd now ima starting t get paranoid nd afraid. i know, deep inside my heart i know. but it seems like ima trying not t face e reality. how long can i run? i won't force or wait, i won't cry or think, i won't do anything purposely. i will just.. sigh..

****, if u're reading this, just t let u know this post is not for u. it's for someone else.

2008-09-19T16:06:00.002+08:00

i will try t post as often as possible from now on alright. anyw i ve deleted my previous posts because everything is over nd i don't even wanna think abt it. looking at those post just makes me wanna puke. haas. before i start there is smth i wanna clarify first. PLEASE DON'T MISUNDERSTOOD. OBVIOUSLY E SONG IS NOT FOR U. DON'T B SO BHB OK. WAD MAKES U THINK THAT THAT SONG IS FOR U? NB. LIKE I CARE LA OK. CRAPS! okkk. done! recently i ve been busy working nd i won't b gg t sch until N lvl starts because i just g t sch nd sleep. i can sleep thru out e day nd i c no point gg t sch. nd i definitely won't pass my N lvl so whatever. i don't really care because i just g along w my heart. since i don't ve e motivation t study now, i don't wanna force myself t study laa. unhealthy sial. haas. just take it easy lo, right? haas. anyw, currently e job ima having now is abit siong la. e schedule is abit packed but ima ok w it because e money is good. no pain no gain mah. just hope everything will b smooth smooth de ok. especially siaopo/baomu t cheer up nd SMILE! (: nd of course my family t b peace nd happy. xi wang wo shen pang de mei ge ren dou jian jian kang kang kuai kuai le le. (: